Planning Sex Without Losing the Spontaneity

Planning sex without losing the spontaneity is worth the effort. 

Sex is great when spontaneous, especially if you have no worries or responsibilities in life, but when you get to that stage, they might also be emptying a bag at the side of your bed and wiping the drool of your chin.  

So, for most people, there’s a lot of stress and a lot of other commitments that get in the way of foreplay: an ever-increasing workload, mounting bills and demanding kids are all things that are designed to kick the whatisname out of your libido.  

Right, so what can you do? Over-plan a sexual encounter and you kill the moment, simple. It’s not all about soft lighting, mood music and a condom on the bedside table. 

Having good sex is about creating the mood, but the best bit of advice is to create a long enough time period for the mood to develop. 

Rushing upstairs with the announcement that the kids have gone next door, most of the office is at lunch and your sure you know where the Batman and Robin outfits are, and you can spare three minutes 30 seconds before the mother-in-law arrives for the weekend, is hardly going to entice your tired partner whose sexual urges left home about three weeks previously.  

Plan for a window of opportunity long enough so that spontaneity can develop naturally and doesn’t become forced. 

If you have kids, then seriously consider offloading them with the grandparents and get a cheap break at a hotel, even if its just down the road. Bear in mind that the home reminds people of their pressured life. Home is where the telephone rings, the dogs bark, the kids run riot and the neighbours argue about the bins. 

A hotel room might not be a Parisian bordello, but it represents privacy (unless of course you prefer the blinds open and the local residents getting an eyeful). But you get the point. Hotel rooms are neutral territory. No-one can disturb you. And hotel rooms have an atmosphere of illicit affairs, of dubious goings on, which will add a certain excitement. Things can be allowed to develop. Book a business-orientated hotel on a Saturday night and you’ll get a great rate.  

Get there early and have a day together. Lunch, a movie, an intimate table for two in a romantic Italian eatery, and back to the room for a long, hot bath, a few glasses of champagne and some of your favourite chocolates. And make sure you tease aplenty – don’t just jump into bed. Build the moment, the anticipation. And once you can’t wait any longer, treat yourself to one of those films that require a payment – then sit back and learn a few tips. If nothing spontaneous happens then, perhaps it never will. 

And in the morning, once you’re over the night before, you might well rise to the occasion again. Sleep in late, order breakfast and see if you’ve recovered enough to test the positions from the previous night’s movie. 

Planning sex without losing the spontaneity; just give it time.

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